Kerrie Murphy | July 22, 2008
THERE'S a lot of talk lately about work-life balance.
THERE'S a lot of talk lately about work-life balance but does it still exist?
Actually, there's a lot of talk lately about the Pope, but Defrag doesn't want to get into that in case the nuns at St Monica's decide the cane can be applied to alumni.
Once upon a time, there was no such thing as work-life balance because for the short time they were alive, humans had to work to find food, while avoiding being eaten.
Later, there was a work-life balance, but it applied to society as a whole, so some people, poor folk, did all the work and others, rich folk, did all the living.
This may sound unfair, but you have to remember that at the time, living constituted taking turns about the room, embroidery and calculating whether you had called on your neighbours the exact number of times required by social convention, so nobody was the winner.
Nowadays, we live long enough that we want a work-life balance, which roughly translates as creating the illusion that we don't spend the bulk of our existence working to pay an enormous mortgage.
The theory is that modern technology has freed us from the traditional confines of the workplace because we can now work remotely on our laptops in a cafe.
Obviously, this theory doesn't apply to say, airline pilots, because for all we know it may be possible for them to fly a plane while sitting in an armchair sipping a chai latte and eating a muffin the size of their head, but that wouldn't inspire passenger confidence.
The problem in being able to work anywhere is that we now have to work everywhere, so we're a little alarmed to read about the product from a US furniture manufacturer, Details, called the Walkstation, a combined treadmill and computer workstation.
When Defrag first discovered this product, we thought it was fantastic.
Ownership of one of these by any colleague would provide you with a clear visual indicator that they should be avoided at all costs because they would be the type of person who thinks their mad business skills are so awesome they can't even take time to go the gym in case the entire company collapses.
We also pictured the hours of fun we could have waiting until a user was in the middle of an important call and then secretly cranking that bad boy up to high, so all the person on the other end would hear would be: "I'm getting some serious pushback on the Tompkins account, so we should proactively think outside the box and whu-hayyyyyyyy (thud)".
Then we realised that the Walkstation's highest setting was only 3km an hour and we fell out of love with the idea.
When you can't take time out from work for even a stroll around the block, something is very wrong.
What next? The Bedstation, to call the bluff of those employees who claim they can do parts of their job in their sleep?
It would also put an end to all those malingerers in hospitals lying around recuperating from life-threatening illnesses instead of doing a hard day's work like the rest of us.
On the plus side, we guess being found asleep on the job would no longer be a sackable offence and it would free up more time in the day to do more work at the coffee shop.
Top 10
This week:
A piece of malware spam had the subject line: "Third World War has begun." Here are the top 10 signs someone gets all their news from spam.
10. They think the "drug crisis" has something to do with discount Viagra.
9. They know the news is true because they had it confirmed from three sources.
8. After getting into office as a result of electile dysfunction, a politician decides to "prove" there is nothing wrong with the size or functioning of their member by invading Afghanistan -- and Iraq.
7. They talk in 1337-speak mixed with classical writing.
6. They front a news conference espousing the benefits of a economy that is going downhill.
5. They spell medicines: Viaxgra, Serxxoids, valxxum.
4. They don't think there's anything strange about winning multiple overseas lotteries in a week despite not having a ticket.
3. They start every sentence by trying to say FW, but can't get the sound out.
2. They speak fluent gibberish.
1. This just in: 64,657,238 rich people died in Nigeria this week, each leaving $10,000,000 to a white relative.
Contributors: Steve Leahy, Dwight Lemke, Joe Seychell, Renae Lewis, Chris Sims, Graham Wilcox, Gavin Pay, James Nelson, Robert Bromwich, Craig Davis
Next week: Queensland Deputy Premier Paul Lucas wants Google Maps to update its satellite images to reflect recent infrastructure developments in the state. Send us the top 10 signs you're looking at old pictures on Google maps. Answers by Thursday to OzDefrag@Gmail.com.